How Yoga Helped Me Let Go of Family Conditioning and Find My Own Path

🌿 This is the second article in my mini-series “7 unexpected ways yoga changed my life — and helped me find my “Why””

Some wounds are invisible, yet they leave deep marks.

Emotional inheritances, beliefs, ideals of love or success that we carry unknowingly—because we grew up inside them.

In this article, I share a more personal side of my journey: how I gradually realized I was living by a model that… wasn’t mine.

And how, thanks to a life-changing journey — and later to yoga — I started breaking free, to reconnect with my own truth.

🧭 An idealized parental model

As I mentioned in the first article, my idea of a “right life path” was shaped by a deeply rooted ideal — a vision of success unconsciously passed down by my parents.

Research in attachment and developmental psychology, including the work of Donald W. Winnicott (Playing and Reality, 1971) and John Bowlby (Attachment and Loss, 1969), shows that a child naturally internalizes the unspoken messages of their primary caregivers.Even without any harmful intent, parents transmit their own worldview — sometimes projecting their fears, beliefs or expectations — which can shape the child more in line with their truth than with the child’s own inner calling.

The day my mother said to me — “You’ll get fat if you keep eating like that” — it wasn’t just my body image that crumbled.

It was also my ability to trust what felt right for me and walk my own path.

And yet, I had a truly happy childhood.

My parents were present, resourceful, funny.

They gave us curiosity, a love for freedom, and a deep sense of family connection.

We moved often (more on that in the next article), so my parents and younger brother were my anchors, my reference points.

No matter what happened around us: we’d always be together.

To me, my mom and dad were the perfect couple.

Not in the sense that they never fought (spoiler: they fought a lot 😅),

but they always bounced back, kept moving, found solutions.

They met young. Married young. Had kids young.

To me, they embodied the ideal. The truth.

And so, if I ever strayed from that model… I felt lost. Like I was failing at life.

My parents didn’t intentionally condition me.

But by showing me from an early age that their version of life was “the right one”… and by being my safe haven during all those moves…

leaving their path felt like losing my compass.

I was left exposed — with no reference point, no safety net.

And I could no longer rely on their truth.

Instead of looking for my own…

I tried to recreate theirs.

💍 Replaying the script

That parental model became the one I longed to recreate.

And for that… I needed to find a “husband.”

Ideally at 16, just like them!

But at 16… I felt far from confident.

Especially about my body. Especially about my ability to be loved. (see previous article)

So when a cute boy showed interest in me during middle school…

I forgot what I truly felt inside.

I was probably just so happy to be seen that I thought: “He’s the one. He must be.”

But in truth…

I was confusing being chosen with feeling love.

If someone loved me, I convinced myself I loved them too.

When that boyfriend left me, it felt like a collapse.

Not just because I hadn’t seen it coming, and yes, I had real feelings…

But mostly because he shattered the fantasy.

The fantasy of “the one”, of marrying young, of replaying my parents’ love story.

It felt like I had missed my destiny.

So I tried to rebuild it. Again. And again.

I chased relationship after relationship: trying to find someone, no matter what.

I stayed in partnerships I didn’t really want.

I hurt people. Gave false hope. Stayed too long.

Sometimes, things went so far I ended up completely broken — picking myself up piece by piece.

⚡ The turning point

Then one day, after yet another painful breakup… something cracked.

I was 24 — the same age my mom was when she had me. And I suddenly understood:

If I kept living inside my parents’ dream, I would never live my own.

• I would keep living vicariously through other people and adapting to lives that weren’t meant for me.

• I’d keep chasing a truth that wasn’t mine.

• I’d never stop fearing their judgment, never feel truly free in my choices.

I wasn’t born to replay their story or live through their eyes.

I was born to live my own life.

So when that truth hit me, I took the leap…

… and left on a solo backpacking trip for several months.

🌎 Latin America, my path

Here’s the song that fits this moment

Traveling through Chile, Argentina and Bolivia was my first symbolic decision to “cut the cord.”

(Okay, there was also a not-so-great tattoo, done in questionable conditions… which drove my mom nuts 😅)

Of course, they didn’t take me seriously at first.

Of course, when I showed them the plane tickets, they were scared.

But they didn’t stop me.

They didn’t guilt me.

And for that, I’m grateful.

I know not everyone is that lucky — many parents react with resistance, control or fear.

In any case, this trip changed me profoundly — especially in terms of letting go (more in the next article).

But above all, it began to heal something I had sensed for a long time:

The day I started making decisions for myself — without seeking external validation, just by trusting my gut and intuition —

a deeply rooted illusion collapsed.

And I finally began to hear my own voice.

I wasn’t born to repeat someone else’s path.I was born to create my own.

That realization?

It changed everything.

Not just in how I love — but in how I work, how I see myself, how I define freedom…

And yes, in how I love today: I’m in a healthy, mutual, evolving relationship that could never have existed if I had stayed trapped in my old patterns.

🤸‍♀️ So what about yoga?

That trip taught me to trust myself.

But it was only the beginning.

Once I got home, I realized that some patterns were still deeply ingrained.

Even though I stood by my life choices now, my need for validation and recognition remained tied to my parents’ gaze.

So I decided to go deeper. To explore more of myself.

Yoga has supported me in this journey — but I also discovered a powerful therapeutic tool: IFS (Internal Family Systems).

Within just a few sessions, this method helped me meet wounded inner parts, listen to them, soothe them — and most of all, begin to reconcile with myself.

The combination of IFS + Yoga feels, to me, like a precious alloy.

A rare metal, forged in the fire of presence and inner kindness.

And every day, I feel that I’m healing a bit more (even my partner is amazed by the changes 🙃).

As I write this, I’m in the middle of an intense transformation process, supported by a 40-day meditation and mantra cycle, now opening to a new energy.

I won’t dive into that here — it will be another article — but I can say this:

I’m transforming the need for external recognitioninto inner acknowledgment.

I’ve made a clear promise: no longer seek my family’s approval.

It’s not easy.

I don’t have many close friends, and the path can feel lonely…

But I feel deeply supported by my partner and by those who believe in me — and that changes everything.

And above all, I’m proud.

Proud I followed through when I left for Latin America.

Because that journey wasn’t just geographical or physical…

It left me with a life lesson I’ll never forget:

I am capable of living on my own.And no one can take that away from me.

🌱 What I take away — and what I choose now

Today, I know I wasn’t born to replay my parents’ story, as inspiring as it may be.

I’m not here to meet their expectations, nor society’s.

I’m here to find my own voice, even if it trembles, even if it’s uncertain or unsteady at times.

I remind myself that failure is a form of learning — and it’s through those lessons that I grow so fast.

I’m also here to honor my deepest desires, even when they don’t fit the mold.

To validate myself, even when others’ approval is missing (especially in a hyper-connected world where likes seem to define our worth).

Yoga, paired with IFS, helps me every day to transform this longing for outside validation into inner grounding.

I’m no longer trying to please.

I’m trying to be at peace.

And for the first time in my life… I feel free to write my story — one that doesn’t follow a prewritten script.

A story that’s no longer inherited.

A few words for you 💛

If any of this resonates with your own path, know that you’re not alone.We can unlearn. We can heal. We can come back to ourselves.Nothing is set in stone.You can trust yourself. You matter. Your truth is valid.And if your house of cards collapses… you can either rebuild it the same way,or trust your gut and create something more solid, more beautiful,and more aligned with your sense of what’s right.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

If this touched you, feel free to share it — or simply let me know what it stirred in you. I’d love to hear from you 🙏

Namaste 💛